Scratches on the bedroom door. I wake up. My body has been on alert for a long time now. I was dreaming that I was solving a complicated physics exercise to prepare for an exam. I realize I have no blanket on me. I feel cold. I pull the blanket from my partner. No more scratches on the door. Damn, I need to pee. What’s the time? It’s 5 AM. I try hard to fall back asleep so I don’t have to get up. It doesn’t work. I go to pee. There is no cat behind the door. Did I dream of the scratches on the door too? I come back hoping that now it will be easier. It is not. I suddenly remember that the bank account that handles recurring payments is empty, and I panic that the cat litter payment will fail. I transfer the money. Phew, now I can sleep. I lie to myself. Okay, how about I play the dream playlist on Spotify? That always helps. Not helping this time. I have an important job interview coming up today. I start rehearsing my answers. I think about the previous interview where I couldn’t articulate myself properly. Maybe it wasn’t so bad. I will do better at this one. I feel angry that the job interview process is so imbalanced. I think of posting on LinkedIn about imposter syndrome. Wait, I have a better idea. I start writing this text in my head, hoping I won’t forget it when I wake up. Who am I kidding? I don’t have sleep anyway. I take my phone out, open Notion, and start typing. The past has reached the present. Not sure what to write anymore. Perhaps I can attempt falling asleep again. It’s about two hours until I feed the cats. Unless they wake me up first…
